I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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