I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
