hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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