he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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