Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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