All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
