she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
