I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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