She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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