he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
