i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
