Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
