I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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