its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
