When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He shit in the fireplace
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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