He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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