I accidentally had phone sex last night
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
