We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
