i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
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