I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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