yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
