"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
How does one acquire holy water?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
