Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
