Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
