He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
