Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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