how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I take back everything I said about communal showers
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
