this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You did what with his pubic hair?
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