did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
