Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
