ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I smell stomach acid.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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