Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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