Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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