i think my tv is drunk
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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