you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
