I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Drake has all the answers
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
