my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
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