this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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