I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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