hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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