Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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