I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
