Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
