I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
