He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
