I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
