I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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