He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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