did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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