Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
