She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
