I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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