Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
